


maybe, someday (we’ll live our lives out loud)

by ava5500



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25059178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ava5500/pseuds/ava5500
Summary: Sonnett wasn't expecting her. Not now, and not really ever.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 5
Kudos: 95





	maybe, someday (we’ll live our lives out loud)

Sonnett was up late that night.

She had invited a girl over. A girl whose name was irrelevant, because Sonnett knew better than anyone that she was just a placeholder. It had been bars, then clubs, then a pretty, short girl with brown hair, because Sonnett didn’t want anyone with a chance of reminding her of who she was really missing.

Didn’t want a flash of blond hair to send her spiraling. Didn’t want big hands or broad shoulders to make her lose her breath for all the wrong reasons.

She had lead the girl into her apartment, not yet even decorated, and onto the couch. She couldn’t make herself open up her bedroom. Not to just anyone. Not anymore.

Things had just started to heat up – the stranger’s hands traveling up Sonnett’s body, the alcohol wearing off and leaving her with just a nice fuzzy feeling – when the knock came.

It was soft, barely audible, and the brunette didn’t even stop what she was doing. Her hands kept on the same path, down Sonnett’s shoulders, tracing their way lower. But Sonnett sat up.

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what? Come on, baby, it was nothing,” the girl breathed out. Yet Sonnett stared at the door, wondering if it was a figment of her imagination.

She hadn’t seen Lindsey in months. Lindsey, who had stared at her sadly as she packed all her things up back in Portland. Lindsey, who was always so good at answering her phone _before_ , but who now couldn’t be bothered to ever pick up. Lindsey, who seemed to only communicate with her now through cryptic social media posts or depressing Spotify playlists. Sonnett hated whatever game they were playing.

Lindsey, who had cried softly when Sonnett had told her she loved her that night. But hadn’t said it back.

Lindsey. She was Sonnett’s best friend. Or had been.

The girl was tugging Sonnett back to her with insistence, and Sonnett decided to let her. Maybe she had imagined the knock. Maybe her mind had been so wrapped up in her ex-teammate that she couldn’t even let herself have a little _fun_.

But then it came again. Louder, this time. And both of them jumped, which meant it was certainly _not_ just some twisted dream or awfully-timed coping mechanism.

“Who is bugging you at this hour?” The brunette asked, annoyed. Sonnett ignored her. In a trance, she got up and walked to the door, hesitating slightly before undoing the lock.

Because there was only really one person who would bug her at this hour. And that person was supposed to be all the way across the country.

Lindsey stood with her arms crossed across her chest, eyes downcast. She was dressed in jeans and an Adidas shirt, which wasn’t her airplane attire. Sonnett knew that much. When the door fully opened, Lindsey looked up.

Sonnett felt her breath catch in her throat.

Lindsey was tan from summer training, her hair a shade or two lighter. Her eyes were the same brilliant shade of blue, but somehow duller. As if she had been worried. As if she had been crying.

“Lindsey?” Sonnett managed to rasp.

“Hey, Sonnett.” Sonnett just stared at her, feeling her skin prickle at the intense gaze. Lindsey worried her bottom lip between her teeth, and Sonnett felt her stomach flip.

Lindsey didn’t really look okay.

“She’s busy,” came a voice, and the girl Sonnett had all but forgotten about sidled up next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Who are you?”

Hurt shone through Lindsey so visibly that Sonnett wanted to cry. Lindsey stepped back as if to put distance between herself and the scene in front of her. She met Sonnett’s eyes again, and the dejection there struck Sonnett through the heart.

“Just a…” the hesitation at the label spoke volumes. “An old teammate. I can leave you two alone.” Lindsey turned as if to walk out of the apartment building. To walk out of Sonnett’s life again.

“No, Lindsey wait,” Sonnett rushed out. She pulled away from her hookup’s embrace, opting instead to grab onto the hem of Lindsey’s shirt. To keep her from leaving again. “Erm, Haley was just leaving, actually.”

“It’s Hannah,” the girl – Hannah – scoffed, angrily grabbing her purse from where it had been thrown a few feet from the apartment door. “And I certainly wasn’t. But guess I am now.” She stormed past them with a huff. Sonnett tried to give her an apologetic look as she passed, but the brunette didn’t pause to make eye contact. Not that Sonnett could blame her.

Sonnett turned back to Lindsey. Her hand was still clenched in the gray Adidas shirt. She dropped it with embarrassment, but Lindsey just smiled softly.

“Do you want to come in?”

***

“So, old teammate, huh?” Sonnett asked, a teasing edge to her voice. She had brought them both water, because she didn’t really know what else to do. What else to say.

She had also put on music. Not anything from her recent playlists. She could only take so much.

“I’m sorry, Em. I just – I didn’t know if she was your girlfriend, or anything. I didn’t want to say too much.” Sonnett tilted her head. Lindsey looked so out of place, sitting on the opposite side of her couch, here in Orlando. Her fingers were playing with the loose threads, eyes never leaving her glass of water, but not drinking it.

She looked broken. That was the only world Sonnett could think of.

It was also how Sonnett felt. How she had felt for the past few months.

“I mean, I guess we are old teammates. Old teammates that used to make out here and there,” Sonnett acknowledged.

She didn’t say the other things.

That they really were just old teammates. That they never had earned a label past that. That Lindsey had a _boyfriend_ , that she was never able to fully let go of. A boyfriend she _always_ chose over Sonnett.

Even after that night. The last night in Portland. When Sonnett had told Lindsey everything.

When Sonnett looked over and Lindsey, she saw that she was crying silently.

“Lindsey, hey, no,” Sonnett soothed, moving across the couch and taking Lindsey’s water so she could hold her hands. “It was a joke. A stupid joke. Ignore it.”

At the touch, Lindsey drew in a gasp of air, a strangled sob coming out of her mouth. She leaned into Sonnett’s shoulder, and Sonnett couldn’t be mad at the wet tracks she was leaving in her shirt. She reached up to stroke Lindsey’s back soothingly.

She had never been able to _not_ comfort the blond.

“Em, I’m so sorry,” Lindsey whispered once the sobs started to die down. “I’m so sorry.”

Sonnett just nodded. She wasn’t really sure where Lindsey was going with this. Wasn’t really sure why Lindsey flew across the country to tell her she was _sorry_.

Because that was the last thing Lindsey had said to her. Sonnett had told her everything. How she felt. How Lindsey was everything she ever thought about, everything she ever wanted. How much she had loved her.

And that’s all Lindsey had said back. “ _I’m sorry.”_

But right now, right now – Sonnett wanted to kiss her. To kiss her until she was okay again, until she was smiling at her with that gleam in her eye, until she was pulling her closer with an insatiable need that neither of them ever talked about.

But she couldn’t. Not anymore. Not after everything.

Slowly, Sonnett pulled away from Lindsey. She released her hand, stopped stroking her back, and leaned away until she could catch Lindsey’s eyes.

“Linds, why are you here?”

“That’s a complicated question,” Lindsey laughed through her remaining tears. “I’ve been here for two days, actually. Trying to work up the nerve to come talk to you.”

Sonnett stared at her in disbelief. “What? Why? Come on Lindsey, we’re best friends.” Lindsey blinked at that, and Sonnett backtracked quickly. “Look, I know we left on weird terms, and I don’t even know what’s been happening lately, but really. You’re my best friend. You always will be.”

A silence hung in the air. Lindsey ran her hands through her hair once, twice. As if she wasn’t already the most beautiful person Sonnett had ever seen, without even trying.

“I broke up with him.” Lindsey spoke the words as if they carried a heavy weight.

Sonnett tried not to sigh.

“Yeah, I figured.” Lindsey’s hand traveled to Sonnett’s thigh, sitting there heavily, as if to ground her. To ground both of them.

“And I flew here,” Lindsey went on, moving closer. “To visit you.”

“I can see that,” Sonnett said. She tried not to get distracted by Lindsey’s proximity. By the way she could see her smile lines, and the faintest outline of freckles from the summer sun.

“So doesn’t that mean something?”

“Lindsey,” Sonnett said, pain laced into her tone. Lindsey winced at it. “You’re a wreck.”

“You haven’t texted me or picked up any of my calls since I left,” Sonnett continued. “You broke up with your boyfriend, for the millionth time, like what, two weeks ago?”

“It’s different this time,” Lindsey said quietly, staring at her hand, which was tracing patterns on Sonnett’s leg.

“You say that every time. And I’m at the point where I won’t believe it every time.” Sonnett softened her words by reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind Lindsey’s ear. “You’re a mess, Linds. And whatever reason you think you came here for, I think it was maybe because you needed your best friend.”

Lindsey leaned into her touch, her hand desperately grabbing Sonnett’s and pressing her lips into it. “What about you? Sleeping with random girls? Not even bothering to remember their names?”

“I was trying to get over someone.” Lindsey closed her eyes at that. Maybe to hide the guilt. Sonnett didn't know. She didn't know what Lindsey had been feeling these last few months.

“Maybe you don’t have to get over her, after all.” Sonnett smiled softly at that. But she knew better than to let hope blossom in her chest.

“Maybe not. But for now, maybe we should just go to bed. It’s almost four,” Sonnett said, standing up from the couch. “Maybe we can deal with all of this in the morning.”

Lindsey stood up with her, hand reaching to grasp at Sonett's shirt, as if to not let Sonnett get too far. “Would it be okay if we – you know…” Lindsey trailed off bashfully, but Sonnett understood perfectly.

“Always. I’ve got an extra pair of Orlando shorts with your name on them.” And Sonnett took Lindsey’s hand and lead her into her bedroom without hesitation. Helped her change into some of Sonnett’s clothes, ignoring the way her breath caught in her throat at the way they looked on her.

When they climbed into bed, Sonnett didn’t hesitate to lay her head on Lindsey’s chest, to wrap her arms around her waist. To let Lindsey tug her closer until she could feel the other girl’s heartbeat, steady against hers. No matter what happened between them, she had always felt like _she_ was the one that belonged in Lindsey’s arms.

Because it felt like home.

As they drifted off to sleep, Sonnett almost missed it. The words she had been waiting years to hear, spoken softly but with conviction against her hair.

“I love you.”

She didn’t react to them, other than a small smile hidden by the way her face was buried in Lindsey. But she knew they were a game changer. A sign of perhaps, finally, something more.

A sign that Lindsey wouldn’t leave her this time, wouldn’t choose someone else, and that they would maybe get their happy ending. A sign of everything.

It was something they would talk about in the morning. For now, Sonnett was content to stay in the embrace of the woman she had loved for years. A woman who might finally admit to loving her back.

The morning would come. But in the moment, Sonnett was home.


End file.
